If your partner cheated on you, I'm sincerely sorry to hear that. I know oh so well how painful it can be to have your partner cheat on you. But often the most difficult thing is handling the haunting pictures that appear to endlessly play through your mind twenty four seven and make you feel horrid.
What are you able to do to stop this damaging thought process and retake control over your own mind?
Well, I'd like to share with you something that is surprisingly easy, but many individuals do not realize, and that's what is accountable for all negative feelings.
Whenever you feel a bad emotion (and I do mean any negative emotion), it is because you are focusing your thoughts on what you don't desire.
You see, when you concentrate your mind on what you do not want, you are imagining what you don't want and creating photos of it in your mind. This just reaffirms those haunting pictures of your spouse with another girl, as an example.
Even if you're making an attempt to avoid or push away the negative thoughts, you are still concentrating on the negative outcomes (and so only adding fuel to the fire). For instance, if you decide that you would like to avoid feeling hurt again, your thoughts must first imagine what it is like to be hurt so you can avoid it.
This is how concentrating on what you do not want creates negative emotions.
If you would like to stop this vicious cycle and end the feelings of pain and betrayal, you want to instead change your focus to what you do want.
Instead of avoiding agony and suffering, you almost certainly desire something like happiness, or a loving relationship. Start to ask what it'd be like to feel cheerful or to feel loved.
This causes your brain to start imagining all the details of what happiness and love would be like in your life.
This is how you take your focus off the negative and put it on the positive.
First, you realize you are concentrating on what you do not need.
Then you stop and ask, "Okay, if this is what I do not want, what do I want?"
Then you start to focus on what you do want.
This is going to be challenging at first, since the negative emotions you are experiencing have a sort of inertial of their own. But just like exercising a muscle, this can become easier with some practice and you can start to end the haunting emotions and troubling thoughts that rush through your thoughts after your spouse's affair.
You can start to notice whether you are concentrating on what you desire or what you don't want, and when you notice your focus on something you don't want, you can start to purposely change it to something you do want. With continued practice, you can begin to move your life in a positive direction which will help build a starting point for happiness and love in the future.
What are you able to do to stop this damaging thought process and retake control over your own mind?
Well, I'd like to share with you something that is surprisingly easy, but many individuals do not realize, and that's what is accountable for all negative feelings.
Whenever you feel a bad emotion (and I do mean any negative emotion), it is because you are focusing your thoughts on what you don't desire.
You see, when you concentrate your mind on what you do not want, you are imagining what you don't want and creating photos of it in your mind. This just reaffirms those haunting pictures of your spouse with another girl, as an example.
Even if you're making an attempt to avoid or push away the negative thoughts, you are still concentrating on the negative outcomes (and so only adding fuel to the fire). For instance, if you decide that you would like to avoid feeling hurt again, your thoughts must first imagine what it is like to be hurt so you can avoid it.
This is how concentrating on what you do not want creates negative emotions.
If you would like to stop this vicious cycle and end the feelings of pain and betrayal, you want to instead change your focus to what you do want.
Instead of avoiding agony and suffering, you almost certainly desire something like happiness, or a loving relationship. Start to ask what it'd be like to feel cheerful or to feel loved.
This causes your brain to start imagining all the details of what happiness and love would be like in your life.
This is how you take your focus off the negative and put it on the positive.
First, you realize you are concentrating on what you do not need.
Then you stop and ask, "Okay, if this is what I do not want, what do I want?"
Then you start to focus on what you do want.
This is going to be challenging at first, since the negative emotions you are experiencing have a sort of inertial of their own. But just like exercising a muscle, this can become easier with some practice and you can start to end the haunting emotions and troubling thoughts that rush through your thoughts after your spouse's affair.
You can start to notice whether you are concentrating on what you desire or what you don't want, and when you notice your focus on something you don't want, you can start to purposely change it to something you do want. With continued practice, you can begin to move your life in a positive direction which will help build a starting point for happiness and love in the future.
About the Author:
If you'd like to learn more about coping with infidelity, please check out my guide to surviving an affair.
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